How taxes are responsible for every business failure, ever

DEAR How Do I: Business:

I have an idea that I think could be worth a lot of money if I put it on the market.

The problem is, I'm deathly afraid of going into business for myself.

All I ever hear about is small business going bust and ruining lives as a result. How does it happen? How do businesses go under?


J Edselbicheno

Dear J:

Businesses only go under for one reason - taxes.

A client of mine hired their 13-year-old-nephew to build their website. Ten days later, taxes closed them down.

A coffee cart near me refused to open before 8am because too many cyclists came through the area. The carbon tax got them in the winter.

Three journalists from the Australian started a coffee shop next to a Starbucks. The mining tax forced them into bankruptcy.

The chiropractor where I took my newborn son for adjustments refused to get an accountant to do his books - the gay marriage tax had him selling his home.

Now, don't get me wrong, not paying tax is illegal.

We should have vicious new laws that add 25 years to the jail term of anyone in a business group caught in groups of three or more.

But if you pay tax, you're going to fail in business and lose your wife and kids in the divorce.

This column is satirical and not a source of tax advice. It is almost certain that following this column's advice will land you in jail.