‘Plush af’: Traveller’s hilarious Qantas review
I'm so used to being a tight-ass that I completely forgot QANTAS existed domestically until someone else paid for my flight to Sydney last week. Since the cheaper carriers crept into the market I've been a stingy flyer choosing the less polished experience to save me a dirty pineapple ($50).
I just nailed a morning and arvo QF and I have decided for the extra fiddy, I'd rather the posh lux QantYAS feels, than the dollars. I figure when you add it up: 30min check-in minus the stress if you're running late minus baggage costs plus multiple hours of seat time with awes staff plus included food and drinks PLUS all the other reasons I am about to list equals definitely worth the $50.
Other reasons include, but are not limited to:
THE LUXE PART
Check-in time is 30 minutes before the flight. That's an extra 15 minutes of your life you can use to do life things. Like taxes. Or swiping right.
There is an ENTIRE TERMINAL for QF passengers at Sydney airport to go shopping, eat, drink, and feel like you just won an U12s basketball tournament. I'm talking those proper earned VIP feels. Another benefit is there are way less annoying announcements while you're waiting to board.
They don't weigh your carry on, which means you gain two extra years of life from NOT STRESSING that your bag might be 0.001 grams over.
You're on the tarmac for less time because they have runway priority. Disclaimer: this may not be true but dayum you never wait long.
With so many flights, you're way less likely to get stuck somewhere rogue if your flight gets cancelled. Their next one is in an hour, not next Tuesday.
THE STAFF PART
They aren't robots so if you arrive one minute late they still let you check-in. And they don't all have the same hair style because they're allowed to be thy selves.
When they roll the trolley down the aisle they don't talk to each other or hand out snacks like bored milk bar owners.
They look you in the eye, they listen and you get the feeling that they really do care if you want milk with that.
You actually feel as though their staff know what to do if there was an emergency or a situation that needed discretion. Let's just say, you don't get the selfie vibes from these babes.
THE FLYING PART
There are free drinks after 4pm, Monday to Friday on most domestic flights. And if you flirt with the staff they give you an extra bottle or two.
The food is all top notch and delivered in little fancy lunch boxes designed by Indigenous artists with details on who they are. Then you start singing in your head "I still call Australia, home" and remember how much you love this sunburnt country and start holiday plans for another trip to Kakadu.
The in-flight programming is up to date, I saw a movie that was literally in the cinema two weeks ago. The TV shows aren't from 2008 so you won't get stuck watching Lost and the podcasts are diverse. This is vital for those with a short attention span, which is 99 per cent of us thank you iPhones.
Totally into their in-flight magazine. Heaps of interesting articles and loads of recommendations for the city you're about to touch down in. Plus a very good quiz.
The seats are plush af, with fancy seat cushions your butt will appreciate, and leather headrests that don't have that gross velcro flap full of someone else's hair oil. Also, they're black so it makes you feel like you're in a Rolls Royce or - more relatable - Gold Class.
The tray table is huge and fits a laptop, coffee, wine and all the snacks. It also doesn't feel like it's about to snap because Qantas means quality, bayba_y.
QF dish up head phones which are soft, light and don't flake out if you accidentally squish them into the arm rest when you get up and go to the toilet. Ear buds belong in 2016 and Alan Joyce knows this only too well.
So yah. These are just a few reasons why it's definitely worth paying another pineapple to fly posh domestically. QantYAS all the way.
* And now for the really shocking part: This writer was NOT a guest of Qantas. Her travel was paid for independently.