Motorists of Ipswich are driving me crazy
DID you miss me? Apologies for taking a week off, but even us rogues need some time away from the work desk.
I got away with the wife for a few days and jumped across the Tasman to visit Kiwiland - and what a great time we had. We drove more than 1500km across the South Island and saw enough lake and mountain scenes to throw a Hobbit at.
For this week's column I was going to talk about the trials and tribulations that travel is providing for the modern-day tourist.
But my hand has been forced by the driving community of south-east Queensland, and in particular drivers in Ipswich.
After touring NZ and enjoying the serenity on the roads it just proved one thing to me: Australians are bad drivers.
Just this past seven days I have experienced the following:
I was nearly run off the road by a granny who could barely see over the steering wheel;
I watched on as two bus drivers decided to race on the Centenary Hwy, one with kids on board;
A truckie in a long vehicle overtook a sports car on the motorway doing at least 130kmh.
You may think I am a moaner - did I not tell you I was a member of the WPC (Whinging Pom Club)? - but I feel that I have every right to be angry. Because this sort of driving isn't just dangerous; people are dying on our roads every day.
Many people will blame drink drivers, but you can't tell me this is all down to the grog?
Surely human error and plain stupidity behind the wheel are much bigger causes?
It was also a surprise for me to find out that Mark Webber was not born in Ipswich because judging by the speeds and manoeuvres of drivers in this city Formula One is obviously very popular.
This brings me to my favourite road users, the P-platers.
P is for Prat obviously.
If you are new to the roads you should not be allowed to drive a car with an engine no bigger than an AA Duracell battery, in my opinion. But that's not the case. Because everywhere you drive a Prat-plater will storm past in their enhanced ute or daddy's sports car thinking that they are test driving for the Ferrari F1 team.
It's getting to the point where something has to be done.
You can have all the government safety initiatives you like, but until people are actually called up for their moronic driving then unfortunately the situation is just going to get worse.
Life is hard in the newspaper game
IF YOU listened to my family and close friends, you would think that my life as a newspaper journalist was glamorous. They're not wrong.
Alongside my sky-high wages and sociable working hours I also have the hard task of having to do a little "picture research" for this column.
Only in this job can trawling the picture agencies for images of beautiful women be considered "for work purposes".
When the editor walked past he asked why I was looking at pictures of half-naked women from the US hit TV show Mad Men instead of doing some real work? "It's for the column boss," I replied, to which he gave me the nod of approval.
So the reason you are seeing an image of Mad Men's Joan Harris (played by the delightful Christina Hendricks) is to make sure QT readers are aware that the new series has recently returned to Foxtel.
See, my job isn't just glamorous, but it's also a major source of vital information for The QT readership.