How to steal jobs and sneak into the Eurozone

Merkel: Greece shouldn't have been allowed to join the eur

Greece has been accused of joining the Eurozone on the back of dodgy statistics.

Originally the data was promised to be released "all in good time" and had been "vetted" by 3 trusted economists.

Rumours of Joe Hockey's involvement in the Greek collapse have been hotly denied.

Temporary migrant workers taking jobs from young, says study

The orthodox economics of mobile labour markets seem to be hitting the young hardest.

"It turns out cheaper not to educate young Australians at all," said one industry spokesperson.

"If we can import all our Labour and then blame the government for unemployment, we all win."

Kickstarter announces Australian launch

The popular crowdfunding site will finally be catering to Aussies with ideas.

An entire industry of 'crowdfunding experts' with ebooks and seminars is expected to spring up any day now.

Details on how crowdfunding works can be found by belting one's head against a brick wall till money comes out.

Samsung confirms Galaxy Gear smartwatch for 4 September

Having run out of phone market segments to fill, Samsung has announced a smart watch.

Tech geeks worn out by Samsung's usually bloated and finicky handsets are torn.

"I want to say no, I really do, but a smart watch? That's top of the mountain stuff that is," said one reviewer.

Android attracts 79% of malware attacks; iOS gets 0.7%

Android users have been warned that their phone operating system is more vulnerable than Apple's.

79% of malware attacks hit Android phones, as well as 90% of innovations and 80% of decent contract deals.

"We're committed to Android development," said a local developer. "If only so we don't have to deal with Apple."

This column is a work of satire and may not be suitable for PR teams who ... honestly, who doesn't know this is satire?