Cruel stunt stuns devastated MAFS wife
Married At First Sight's controversial groom stuns everyone at Sunday's commitment ceremony with a ridiculously cruel stunt that can only be described as a 100 per cent Tracey Jewel certified blime-fibe.
"It's the ultimate blindside," the voiceover lady teases ahead of the moment.
At first we don't believe her because, usually, the gossipy promises she drops at the beginning of each episode never deliver. But tonight, she isn't lying. In fact, she actually undersells the episode because she doesn't even tease an unnecessary sex confession that ends up blime-fibing all of us.
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We go into tonight's commitment ceremony already exhausted knowing it's part three in the trilogy of Brett and Booka breaking up after Patrick's hit piece. We let out an audible sigh as we think about all the sepia-toned flashback footage and endless rehashing we'll be forced to sit through.
Booka's had a few days to sit on the revelation that Brett reckons she's selfish, and she hasn't changed her ways.
"Do you think that I'm self-obsessed?" she asks, turning the conversation back to her, yet again.
Meanwhile, Melissa is still lying to herself about her crappy relationship with Bryce.
"I've got no real concerns and we're hitting all the marks. Here's hoping tonight goes really well for us!" she beams.
Oh, Melissa. Famous last words.
Your marriage is almost more of a mess than the trash heap that's gathering around Bryce's night stand.
At the commitment ceremony, as feuding couple Brett and Booka sit down on opposite ends of the couch and refuse to even look at each other, expert John Aiken proves his psychology degree taught him important skills that enable him to pick up on things that us regular people wouldn't identify.
"I've gotta say, it feels tense!" he scrunches up his face.
That is a keen observation, Dr Aiken.
Booka immediately brings up Patrick's hit piece.
"It was a roast!" she declares before holding up her decision card. "Leave."
The dramatic music suggests we should be more shocked than we actually are.
Of course, Brett decides to stay in the experiment which, as per the official Married At First Sight rule book, means Booka must also stay against her will.
She's fuming and we get it. But, Booka, there is a silver lining here. You get one more week to talk about yourself!
When Patrick and Belinda skip up to the couch, we check out. But this, friends, is the first blime-fibe of the night.
Belinda reveals they've taken another step forward and this makes the sexpert's eyes light up as she demands details.
"Well, you know, there are … things in a relationship that you can do that are … intimate … that lead up to having sex," Belinda blushes.
The sexpert pushes more.
" … Exploring each other's bodies. And seeing what we like. Like, touching. Ah … I don't wanna say it! I saw him-" Belinda giggles before Pat cuts her off.
"I got a h**djob," he blurts out.
"Ugh!" Australia shrieks.
"That's beautiful!" the sex lady expert claps.
Stop celebrating this, sex lady!
Where's Booka? We'd rather hear her talk about herself again.
When Bryce and Melissa roll up to the couch, we're excited to see them. Not because we're interested in their marriage but because we were promised the "ultimate blime-fibe" and we're curious to see if what's about to unfold lives up to expectations.
As we predicted, producers torture us with the sepia-toned flashback footage - mainly of the dinner party where Bec tried meddling and telling Melissa that Bryce had been flirting with her.
"I'm basically at a point where I'm just sick and tired of watching my wife get targeted - from Rebecca!" Bryce points across the room as we all gasp like we're in a cartoon courtroom drama. "You're a bully!"
It's around now Mel Schilling looks around the room and realises the past five years on this show haven't just been a really long nightmare.
"I feel like I'm a couple of steps ahead of Bryce," Melissa says, revealing she's falling in love with Bryce. "And I feel I'm getting into the relationship quite quickly. My feelings are growing. And Bryce is falling a little bit behind."
The experts ask if Bryce feels the same way and we all know what the answer is.
"To hear that, it is a good feeling," he begins, clearly opting for the crap sandwich method of delivering bad news - begin with a compliment, then pile on the crap, then end with another sort-of compliment.
"Am I in love with her just yet? Um, no, I'm not," he continues.
And the final compliment? "When I say it, I wanna be 100 per cent and authentic."
OK, we got there. Kinda.
When it comes time for the decision cards, we zone out because these two are just stuck in a bad pattern of trying to make this terrible marriage work and we assume they'll both stay.
Melissa holds up her card and confirms our assumption.
"I feel like I've kind of got to a point with Melissa where … Um … Oh, it's hard to even say … I'm at the point where I've decided..." he trails off.
Without finishing his sentence, he holds up his card. The word "leave" is crossed out and the word "stay" is scribbled below.
Everyone cuts sick and calls him out for pulling a stunt. They ask many questions, mainly about why he'd choose to leave then switch his decision when he knew the whole time Melissa was choosing to stay, thus locking him in the experiment for another week regardless. I don't even know if that last sentence makes sense but, at this point, nothing does.
More importantly, why the hell couldn't anyone locate a fresh damn leaf of blank paper for Bryce to rewrite his decision on?
Apparently, at Channel 9, there's a shortage of both love and paper.
Originally published as Cruel stunt stuns devastated MAFS wife