Plan could see government use live bait to solve job crisis
THE Federal Treasury has heard a proposal to use live bait to create jobs.
With trend unemployment of 6.3% embarrassing the government, Treasury officials have turned to the greyhound racing industry for advice.
The current proposal includes measures for building the employment and participation rate, including:
- Strapping the unemployed to a speeding post until they agree to work for $2 a day.
- Banning the unemployed from buying food and forcing them to catch a fleeing piglet to feed their family.
- Allowing those with annual incomes more than $400,000 to hunt the unemployed like foxes.
- Putting families at the bottom of coal seams so miners are forced to dig them out.
- Expanding maritime policy to aviation and recruitment by holding children in prison to reduce the appeal of 457 visas.
- Broadening the use of live bait to the V8 Supercars.
Treasury representative Vic Temm admitted that while using live bait in the V8 Supercars wouldn't improve employment, it would be "highly entertaining for the minister".
"Initial trials of the policy have shown great success," he said.
The Opposition called a press conference yesterday to announce their rival scheme, which they called A Voice for Australians.
"Basically we're going to get Anthony Albanese to shout at employers until they hire as many people as we tell them to," a spokesman said.
"We'll be combining this with a strongly worded social media campaign on Penny Wong's Facebook page.
"If all else fails we'll just blame the current mob until we get our pensions."
Friday night's bingo has been postponed due the strong likelihood that gay marriage has caused the massive annihilatory force of a category five cyclone to wipe out everything we love.
Frisky Business is a satire column. It is not real.