How to start a business and gestate at the same time

DEAR How Do I: Business?

When my wife fell pregnant we both decided to take leave when the child was born.

Two months ago we became mothers to the most perfect baby girl I could imagine, and we couldn't be happier.

But now I look at my wife and my daughter and I can't bear the thought of going back to a nine-to-five job. I've been taking small technical writing jobs on the side for the past few years. I want to grow that into a business I can do from home.

Can you help?


Anne Onymous

Dear Anne,

I started my first shoe-soldering business a month before my wife fell pregnant with our second child. We thought we were ready to handle both challenges - parenthood and business ownership - at the same time.

We were wrong.

We had plenty of people warning us that we'd bitten off more than we could read. They'd say things like, "you'll send yourselves broke" or "why are you soldering a shoe?"

But we didn't listen. We weren't prepared.

But it didn't matter. We pushed on and we sold the business to a rotund mining magnate for a fortune, allowing us to buy into privately-run prisons.

It is always a good time to start a business, especially when you and your loved ones are vulnerable.

Raising a child and running a business both force you to go further than you ever thought possible, but being superior to your salaried and childless friends is something you just can't buy with money.

Why not start preparing your child to enter the family business now? Play Napoleon Hill tapes to your wife's stomach to give them an early edge.

Best of all, you're both women, so you don't need to wait for your wife to finish with this child before you can start your next one!

Who needs 457 visas when you can gestate your own workforce?

You're also in luck because the party that stands for family values and business is currently in power Federally, you are white aren't you?

So, in the end, I say go for it. Write those technicals and both of you be the best mothers you can be.

This column is and always has been satirical, so head down to the comments and enjoy reading the breathless and shocked reactions from people who didn't read this disclaimer and think that this is all serious advice.